Old Timers Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence
JOKES 8
Call Me
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa : half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe : well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain : very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece : gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain : with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel : has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada : self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet : wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages, an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.
THE END.
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa : half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe : well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain : very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece : gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain : with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel : has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada : self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet : wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages, an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.
THE END.
Keep Looking Here I Add Or Change Jokes All The Time. Enjoy Them.
A guy sat down at the bar and ordered a beer.
The bartender filled his mug and slid it down the bar.
While sliding down the bar, the mug hit a blond woman's boobs and splashed all over them...
The bartender went over, retrieved the mug and licked the beer off her boobs.
Each time the guy called for another beer this happened.
After his third beer, the guy decided to help the bartender out.
The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumped up and started to lick them...
She decked him!
He was laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why'd you let the bartender lick your boobs, but not me?'
'Duh,' said the blond, 'He has a licker license!'
The bartender filled his mug and slid it down the bar.
While sliding down the bar, the mug hit a blond woman's boobs and splashed all over them...
The bartender went over, retrieved the mug and licked the beer off her boobs.
Each time the guy called for another beer this happened.
After his third beer, the guy decided to help the bartender out.
The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumped up and started to lick them...
She decked him!
He was laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why'd you let the bartender lick your boobs, but not me?'
'Duh,' said the blond, 'He has a licker license!'
SPREAD THE LAUGHTER,
SHARE THE CHEER;
LET'S BE HAPPY WHILE WE
ARE HERE!
SHARE THE CHEER;
LET'S BE HAPPY WHILE WE
ARE HERE!
Hundreds Gather to Protest Global Warming
Lust In Translation
Bobbitt Family Update
In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband
as her famous sister had done several years ago.
Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage.
The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable
Condition, and Louella has been charged with....?
A Misdewiener!
In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband
as her famous sister had done several years ago.
Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage.
The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable
Condition, and Louella has been charged with....?
A Misdewiener!
Financial Planning
Dave was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune..
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Dave was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune..
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Alligator Shoes
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the Shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of Alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady,
Why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, Shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator Swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took Aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby
Were 7 more dead Gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, Watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily
And barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady,
Why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, Shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator Swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took Aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby
Were 7 more dead Gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, Watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily
And barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
'CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!