A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They
happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,'What are these,
Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called
condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex..''Oh I see,' replied the boy pensively.
Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.'
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package? ' The dad replies,'Those are for high
school boys,
ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday.' 'Cool'
says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these for?' 'Those are for college men,' the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 'Those are for the
married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc.'
Beer Habit
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"
The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, Sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it should cause a scene at the check out stand."
"I can handle that without a problem, the other nun replied and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.
The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.
"We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said. "Back at our nunnery, we call it Catholic Shampoo."
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."
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A Rich Blonde Buys the New Automatic BMW X6 Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night it just won't move at all. She tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck. She then furiously calls the BMW dealers and they send out a technician to her, the technician asks: ' Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears ?? '
Full of anger Blonde replies: 'You fool, idiot man, how you could ask such a question, I'm not stupid !! I use D for the Day and N for the Night...'

An aging optimist to his doctor:
“Ya know, doc, when I was 25 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with both hands. It was stiff as blue steel.
By the time I was 45, I could bend it, but only about 10 degrees, if I tried real hard with both hands.
By the time I was 60, I could bend it 20 degrees with one hand, no problem.
I’m gonna be 70 next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.”
“So, what’s your point?”, asked the physician.
“Well, I’m just wondering, doc, exactly how much stronger am I gonna get?”

No Needles, Doc

The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
"No way! No needles. I hate needles," the patient protested.

So the dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects again.
“I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having that gas mask on suffocates me!”

The dentist then asks if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No," he says. "I'm fine with pills."

The dentist has his assistant bring the pill and then he tells the patient, "Here, take this. It's a Viagra."
"Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller."

"It doesn't," replied his dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull that tooth."
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong.The question was:
"Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Figi was the correct answer...Hell, how did I know they wanted the name of the country?
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland.He looks down at a farmer in the fields and shouts to him  "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You're in that basket"

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NEW Jokes 1/10/2015
A test to see if your brain is still working.

Which one do you think is the blonde?

Amazing, I did not see it before..
The Blonde is the one with the wrong leg up.

That's OK, I did not Pass the test EITHER!
Scroll Down....
I Know You Missed The Blonde One!

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." ...

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.  "I think it's got ,epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."  The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.  It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".  He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her > > contractions are only two minutes apart!"  "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.  "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve > > to avoid a tree, then another, then another.  A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. > > The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.  His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"  He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.  "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.  "Here boy!" he replies.
  More Blonde Men.......
A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.  "Hanging myself," the blonde replies.  "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.  "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall > > backwards off their boats?"  To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."  The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.  One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"  The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.  The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."  To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."